NAIL IN MY COFFIN – POEM


NAIL IN MY COFFIN – POEM

Arm-wrestling with adolescence,

I can’t count my blessings,

As I’ve never been blessed,

My life has always been a chess-game,

That or a test, now I’m back at it again,

Grab myself a pad and a pen to be the baddest again.

Now I have a kid on the way,

Where there’s a will there’s a way,

“He’s crazy!” They’ll say…

I will kill for this day,

Now put this drill to my brain and rip out the sane.

For the past year I’ve been living in dark corners,

Shark waters; where I flash forward to happier callings,

Eyeball bawling,

Relapsing solely but these pills are so lonely.

Gotta’ do it for them, as my Dad never did,

“Alex, you’ll flip again… This is never-ending!”

I’m running from my devils,

What is heaven sending?

At God-Speed, have hope for me,

I’m more in-need of it before this corners me,

I wish I were a younger me, not hungry,

Not to put these pages under-siege with this thunder in me.

So let me sail the seas and swim with the dolphins,

Make my endorphins spin uncontrollably,

And help me bang in the nails of this coffin.

I’m all in.

 

 

I AM SLOWLY coming back….

Alexander Kennedy

http://www.youngadultfictionblog.com

 

 

 

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Why Mental-Illness Can Save Someone’s Life


We're all a little insane

Why Mental Illness Can save Someone’s Life

So I’m crazy. The doctors drilled it into me, mom and dad wept for me, brothers and sisters didn’t pick on me and friends stayed clear of me. Can you blame them? But we’re all a little crazy, the world is one big mental asylum and all the countries are personal padded cells for all nationalities. But in this day and age, broken is the new fixed.

And for me as a warped minded writer, this gives me a certain advantage over other scribblers out there. Yes, they have fancy educations. Yes, they have big bank accounts. Yes, their daddies know the right people and connections. But no, they do not have a genuine gift as I do. Yes, I am poverty ridden, broke to pockets seams. I failed high school, except for English. This is where I triumph.

I do remember heading to school once; my feet sprawled out on the top deck of the double-decker bus. I was having major headache recently, but I hide it well because I had no one to complain too. I was still a geeky teen in high school. My bus stop was coming up and I stood and shaking I walked down the bus aisle. As I reached the stairs blackness hit my eyes and the next thing I knew I was on my back covered in cuts and bruises and a bus full of people laughing at me. I made a hasty retreat from my embarrassment.

That was the first time I blacked out, this was the onset for something dark coming into focus readying itself to consume me. I at never played truant from school, I always did the right thing, which made me a target for the bullies. I never wanted to be this guy but this is the result of my history that shifted my geography, since then my mathematical problems doubled, tripled and quadrupled and within my science all I am left with is the P.E. I learned that made me run away with a pipe-dream for bad English and dark-side of the human anatomy and biology for my evil fiction homework.

But as my good behaviour shifted into a bad attitude, I felt I gain control of myself, finally. No longer was I a robot stricken by routine. And when my imagination hit me between the eyes, I concocted a devilish plan, use what I have and write everything you can.

Now this is easier said than done; especially when you have no money, no help and no readers. First thing was first, I needed a computer. I needed money for a computer, I needed a job. For a job I needed the right grades, which I didn’t have. Shop work it is (I am still working here by the way.) So now I have my computer, a little money, not a lot but hey, we writers have to start somewhere.

But if it wasn’t for my mental illness, I’m sure I would have given up on my life a long time ago. So now I plod on with my damaged baggage dreaming of something I can only imagine.

But I am sure, as long as I jot down all I can and keep reaching out to people, one day my dreams will come true. I am working on my second novel, which will shock the pants off this world, but I know you will enjoy it.

And I am still blogging short stories and creative writing; from time to time waving my poetic pen across the paper for you too.

So keep reading

And keep your pens busy.

Psycho for life!! Haha!

Alex

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I am Wild Boy – Part 1


Forest

Forest (Photo credit: Moyan_Brenn DeLight (back again))

I am Wild Boy – Part 1

My mother’s face was a blurry smudge within my memory; luckily I don’t remember her; Dad spoke in his sleep and what he did to that poor woman… He didn’t leave her with much of one when we fled from her murder scene. I do remember the car trip though; I sat in the back seat swaying side to side while he drank bourbon driving away into a permanent foggy madness. I sat clutching a half eaten cookie in my toddler Parker jacket next to a duffel bag of Pistols, Rifles and enough ammo to put shame on any small war faction.

We were on the run from our old life to build a new-one off the grid, way to the backend of vast frozen nothingness which was our destination and where we were to begin our survival training. He told me he built this cabin for me and mom to come to when the world had gotten too much for us. It was tacky and crooked but it kept the rain and snow at bay and held warmth when the cold-rolled in. Dad evolved into a bedraggled ragamuffin, me, I transformed into a wild boy. Our own filth and stench was covered by rotten animal carcasses.

There was only so much I could do as a child but he took me hand in hand on hunts, sometimes he even allowed me to deliver the killer-blow to our prey. As the years shredded the photo memories of me and my dad, I grew into a routine machine; he called me his ‘special weapon’. Up before dawn crept upon the valley of forestry shadows, the aim was to kill, train, hydrate, train, eat and rest. I know nothing else.

We agreed to put off the childish treatment, so when hand to hand combat was the training for our afternoon, he laid into face until I bled and swelled. But he was getting on in life so when my muscle formed harder, I made sure I put him on his ass. Knife throwing, dismantling and assembling Guns and Rifles, martial arts, body and mind endurance, hunting, tracking; I became a black-belt in it all. In all honesty, I forgot about the world which scurried along beyond our tree line, when I hit my mid-teens I did think and wonder if there was anything else within my world as I sat on the edge of a mountainside or stood at the top of the trees gazing at the sunset.

One winter my father fell down with a bout with what he called pneumonia, he stopped his training, sleeping and eating; his breathing became erratic and body shifted to weakness. He couldn’t do much, so I trained by myself, hunted by myself, ate by myself, he died and then I started talking to myself.

I left his body within his room, I never stepped foot beyond the nail jagged door frame. I was now the King of this vast plant and animal life; the routine was I had and knew, so I pushed on further into the year of kill or be killed by the unknown.

Several Years Later

If I knew what depression was I would find it happily. Before ever daybreak I would sit in a couch position at the edge of my father’s bedroom door, perhaps he will wake up today. I wait until the sun’s ritual breath edged over the window ledge before I would do my daily bidding until the eyes of the dark skies blinked at me. Fearless to the predators and elements, they must sense something dark within me. The morning was skin nipping from the cold but the idea of victorious kill kept my blood steamy. I head towards the feet of the humongous wet-white hill, the deer huddle and graze within this area. A family a nestled nicely next to small stream which lines through my land. I would never think of harming something scrawny or motherly, I have my sights set on the papa-deer. I clutch my hunter’s blade in my hand; my eyes do not stray, before I move a muscle I think of the kill in every way, good or bad. Small rocks which collect at my feet, I pick one up and I subtly throw it away from the deer, so their attention would be towards the possible predator.

At the last few seconds before I sliced into my prey, a thunderous roar echoes throughout my valley. There are no storm clouds wandering above the trees. The deer scamper far into the tree line. A gargantuan wheeled hog type creature hurtles into my view at the other side of the trickling stream. Is this a new animal I have never seen?

Four men heavily armed with shotguns exit the hog. They are each dressed like greenery, perhaps to blend in. I scurry on my belly closer to get a better look. Dad always said people may be after him, could this be them? Could they be here for me? Are have they come to disrupt my kingdom and steal my food? One thing is certain, if they have, no four shotguns will stop be defending what I know.

I will recon for now and make a decision when the time is right. Keep your knife to your side Nick, it’s all you have.

Please Like and comment.

Part 2 of ‘I am Wild Boy’ Coming soon to www.youngadultfictionblog.com

Young Adult Fiction Blog.com

Keep your pens busy,

Regards Alex.

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A Poem for Cacilia


Sleepy Cacilia

I took this photo of my Sleepy Girlfriend, I like it. She is completely crazy (Just like me!) and I love her for it. Cacilia, this is for you.

A Poem for Cacilia

With you I’m in my mind,

Without you I’m out it,

A normal life need not apply,

How about we go around it,

I don’t want to fight with you,

And you don’t want to fight me,

I am your pipedream,

Living happily,

We could be two dancing freaks.

Two titled psychopaths,

Getting out of these dry clothes fast,

High blood pressure,

We laugh at killing each other’s plans.

We’re both black-belts in danger,

We’re both each other’s guardian angels,

The legs to each other’s table,

To love each other we’re both capable.

No one can stop us,

Nonsense is lost in us,

Frostbitten accosted us,

You’re so gorgeous to touch.

When life gets too much,

I’m by your side,

And when our time is up,

I’ll fight for one more night.

Is this a trick or is it love?

If it is then my heart is ripped,

And this song can be written in blood.

You can be my partner in crime,

I will lay my heart on the line,

From start to finish, I will travel through time,

Just to die at the same time.

Even through heaven or Hell,

You put a spell on my world,

For better or worse,

I fell in love with this girl’s every single detail.

Now if it was the end of us,

It would be the end of my world,

I’m in the centre of hell,

When a day passes without you,

I’m running naked in the rain,

This whole universe could slate me,

You saved me from this pain,

Someone shake him he’s crazy,

You can either love me or hate me,

This comes deep from within and still I’m falling,

I just wanted you to know you will always be my baby and I love you, I am calling.

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When I Grow Up I Want to be a Monster


Varulv (Werewolf)

Varulv (Werewolf) (Photo credit: fmmr)

When I Grow Up I Want to be a Monster

Rocking back and forth under this storm,

Hold me back from my homes front door,

A blood rose has winged poison thorns,

At long last I hold hands with the cold,

Come down from the stars where I float,

Beyond the rays of my darkened rainbow.

I copy the wolves to catch my prey,

These deadly tools I use before I pray,

Everything new is the cost I pay,

Withdrawal magic is the most I take.

Frozen in ice under the sun,

Holding times hands as it runs,

Closing off my life from everyone,

Let in hate, fate, pain with all the love,

When I grow up I’ll be a killer,

Inside I’m broken-up as a mirror,

Seven years bad luck to deliver,

Heavens tears make dark waters quiver,

An eternal plummet for forever,

Quite a monster don’t you agree?

A night loner on reprieve,

Hyperbolically are you feeling me?

Doctors there’s no way you’re healing me,

Let me kill and die peacefully.

Keep your pens busy! Love Alex.

www.youngadultfictionblog.com/

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