My Life! The Mind of a Suicide Risk.


Before you jump right in and read this, I wrote this suicide note when I was going to take my own life. What you have to remember is I was not in the right state of mind and I do regret ever even thinking about doing it every day of my life. So precaution is advised. Some things within this note are very dark. But you sane people keep on sending me messages to know what my mind-set I was in, so here it is. I never went through with it, I became something must worse, I became a creative writer. There was about five pages in total, but some bit were very dark to read and too personal to blog. You want to know me? I will make you cover your eyes!

This is my suicide note, my plight for blood and no one can stop me. I’m going to do it this time, turn my world black with one slight slice, so precise.

I wouldn’t expect you to read this, you were never there. My memories are suicide of the mind and every time I relive them I die a little more inside. Hang me by my heartstrings because I have dismantled this beating curse. My mind is the blood that doesn’t want to stay behind the skin; I haven’t dreamt in so long, all these nightmares turn me child-like because under my bed is where hell lives when it’s not in my head.

I am a black flower about to bloom blood.  Big waves from the clouds as I spit down on the ones that have wronged me. Can you ease this pain? This headache is punching its way out from behind this skull, the monster must want loose, and you think you have problems….

Is this a cry for help or a war cry against myself? I guess the pathologist will be the only one who with know the ins and outs of me. I am alone, just like you, only I have now taken my own life into my own hands with my own blade, just for me.

This knife will know me better than anyone else, he will get closer to me than any hug or stern talking too; he will give me my true medicine.

Don’t morn for me; you never did when I was alive so not point starting something that will never help.  They say life is hard so death must be easy, let’s find out the hard way.

I guess I really am a freak to you people, that’s fine; I sleep a little better knowing I am not you.

But I would like to tell you, from these ashes of me, an idea will arise, one more deadly than this world has ever buried. Anabiosis.

So this would be my final thoughts. My weather call for extreme conditions, angels will fall and heaven eagerly listens.

Life, Love and death, most certain to happen at one point or another to everyone, you have no choice in these matters, neither do the Gods nor the devils, you may have a slight influence on when they may occur, but you can never cause these forces to react by your own will.




Filed under Blog, Life, Literacy, Mental Health, Story, Uncategorized, Writer, Writing

12 responses to “My Life! The Mind of a Suicide Risk.

  1. Pingback: My Life! — Fiction Writing For Teens & Adults | Hey Sweetheart, Get Me Rewrite!

  2. I’m glad you didn’t go through with it. My 23 year old daughter did on 4-11-13. If you want to see what it does to those left behind, please see my blog. I wish you peace and happiness.


  3. mms20

    Suicide isn’t a good thing, let me just start by saying, but this was really well written. Yes spawned from a dark time in your life, and not representative of you now, but it very accurately details what someone who is suicidal goes through in a very cool way. (I don’t want to say cool, because depression and suicide are anything but, but for lack of a better word, there it is.)


  4. Hmmm, this might not be the response you are expecting, but you were talking to the sane people right? So I guess that wasn’t to me. 😉
    I am amazed that you write like a poet while writing your suicide note.
    Although I never actually grabbed a knife, these dark thoughts are familiar.
    Glad you didn’t do it Alex. Your talent is awesome.
    Lots of love and hugz

    Just me


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