3 Reasons Why I May Have Lost My Mind

Rethink Mental Illness

Rethink Mental Illness (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Would you like to know what made me this way? So would I, still no answers…

  • Action and Reaction

Now this is the main reason people, lose it. I mean the struggle, as for me having no money + no food = A bad diet. Some say I morphed my attitude because of lack of the protein, fibre, gluten and so on. I mean this is a possibility, going almost a week without a full meal within my stomach, living off snack such a biscuits or a packet of noodles or even a sandwich, combine that way of eating when my body needed to grow, brings forth a scrawny-teenager. This is what my mother thinks, but I believe she doesn’t want me to believe that I am actually a mental-head; I think she doesn’t  want me to be a damaged writer. But here’s my theory, I’m still having the urges for evil and the headaches haven’t only set up house, they have little baby headaches running around up there and I have gotten used to the nightmares.

  • Genes

The psychologist told me when I was seventeen that if it wasn’t a brain-tumour which he made believe I had for around a year; how mean can you be? He didn’t think it was anything to do with my eating habits, as I could eat and when I had food I did eat. So he believed because I was amid my teenage years, and this is the main time for schizophrenia to set in and cause havoc within innocence. So this is what the doctor’s thoughts, mentally illness; just what the doctor ordered for my words. And I know now that some people within my ancestry have had to deal with mental illness. Hey, free meds!

  • Changed my own mind

Maybe I just got tired of being beaten, being made a nothing by people who believed I was nothing; having no money, no food and all the friends who helped themselves to my money and food when I did have it because my frame of mind was that fractured at the time, manipulating me and convincing me that I did misplace my welfare money or tell me I didn’t even go food shopping, while they filled their pockets. Can you blame me that I broke? Can you blame me for getting revenge on them all? I have never seen them since. Can you blame me for holding onto this dream? Can you blame me for my darkness? The answer = Nope. I can’t stop it, so lay down your pens, because one day I know I will make it, because this illness is my fuel, it’s what drives every word I use, I can’t stop. And an evil-side of me knows I can twirl words better than ninety percent of you. I do have my exceptions out there.

So still got no clue on what’s up with me, but I know one thing that is up with me? I am a writer.

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9 Comments

Filed under Mental Health, Writing

9 responses to “3 Reasons Why I May Have Lost My Mind

  1. I think you raise a great point about not knowing what has caused mental illness. I have bipolar and often wonder why, what led to it developing, why do other people have it but aren’t as severe?
    Psychologists and psychiatrists in particular won’t admit it but they know precious little about the thing are trying to treat i.e. your brain.

    The incredible thing is that in this day and age mental health is given little priority or even taken seriously yet everyone suffers from some mental anguish at some stages.

    Write on! And we’ll collab at some point – got any ideas?

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    • Yeah, something crazy! Show all of these sane people what it’s like in our shoes, but let me think up some ideas.

      And I know what you mean; it was the dragging of all of the tests out that made me crazy, days turned into years and they still had no clue. Until one day, they shrugged their shoulders and told me I was mentally-ill. So of course I have fire in me now, but it keeps that wheel turning.

      Keep that pen busy!
      Alex

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  2. In case you don’t see me, I’m cheering you on to success as a writer.

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  3. I recently had some repressed memories come to the forefront that were actually true of me. My mom physically abused and mentally abused me till we moved.
    You are not crazy, but writing your heart out! I love it. Keep going!
    Blessings to you! Alex, Al, A, Alexander..which do you go by?
    My girl calls herself A. I am M.
    🙂

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    • You can call me any of the above, Miss M! But because you and your daughter go by A & M I would like to go by, Double A (Just like the batteries) I am sorry for your past horror events, you sound strong like A. I’m starting to like you.

      Double A!

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      • AA,
        How cute is that. Like the battery! I’m so thankful for Saturdays and weekend so we can recharge our As. Ha that was funny. 🙂 Have a super day! One thing I have always found in life is that if I am having a bad day sometimes just going to sleep and waking to a new day brings a wonderful new light to things. For me anyway! 🙂 Hope your Saturday is going great!

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  4. It’s not mental illness. It’s a brain disease and passed on via genes. It’s very simple. Just don’t understand why they have to make it complicated.

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