Would you like to know what made me this way? So would I, still no answers…
- Action and Reaction
Now this is the main reason people, lose it. I mean the struggle, as for me having no money + no food = A bad diet. Some say I morphed my attitude because of lack of the protein, fibre, gluten and so on. I mean this is a possibility, going almost a week without a full meal within my stomach, living off snack such a biscuits or a packet of noodles or even a sandwich, combine that way of eating when my body needed to grow, brings forth a scrawny-teenager. This is what my mother thinks, but I believe she doesn’t want me to believe that I am actually a mental-head; I think she doesn’t want me to be a damaged writer. But here’s my theory, I’m still having the urges for evil and the headaches haven’t only set up house, they have little baby headaches running around up there and I have gotten used to the nightmares.
The psychologist told me when I was seventeen that if it wasn’t a brain-tumour which he made believe I had for around a year; how mean can you be? He didn’t think it was anything to do with my eating habits, as I could eat and when I had food I did eat. So he believed because I was amid my teenage years, and this is the main time for schizophrenia to set in and cause havoc within innocence. So this is what the doctor’s thoughts, mentally illness; just what the doctor ordered for my words. And I know now that some people within my ancestry have had to deal with mental illness. Hey, free meds!
- Changed my own mind
Maybe I just got tired of being beaten, being made a nothing by people who believed I was nothing; having no money, no food and all the friends who helped themselves to my money and food when I did have it because my frame of mind was that fractured at the time, manipulating me and convincing me that I did misplace my welfare money or tell me I didn’t even go food shopping, while they filled their pockets. Can you blame me that I broke? Can you blame me for getting revenge on them all? I have never seen them since. Can you blame me for holding onto this dream? Can you blame me for my darkness? The answer = Nope. I can’t stop it, so lay down your pens, because one day I know I will make it, because this illness is my fuel, it’s what drives every word I use, I can’t stop. And an evil-side of me knows I can twirl words better than ninety percent of you. I do have my exceptions out there.
So still got no clue on what’s up with me, but I know one thing that is up with me? I am a writer.
- Mental Illness, Right & Wrong, Drugs, and Violence (madinamerica.com)
- Mental health must be a top priority (dailytrojan.com)
- R. D. Laing and Anti-Psychopathology: The Myth of Mental Illness Redux (madinamerica.com)
- Will Sakula Find Her Way Home? (collidingscope.wordpress.com)
- Mental Illness (newcreationsite.wordpress.com)
- Halloween and representations of mental health (dreamelectric.wordpress.com)